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CanalCuttings - Your FREE Online-world British Inland Waterways, Narrowboat, River Cruiser, Canal Boat Magazine, Info Source and Britain's & Narrowboat Holiday Guide.

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Around 800 Pages of Information and Features About Canals, Navigable Rivers and Their Usage - We're not just a Narrowboat World Magazine. The website includes River and Inland Waterways information - UK Inland Waterways Press Releases and Articles Invited.

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Things overheard on the waterways:

You add a JOKE and we add a LINK!

Man rescuing sheep from River Aire, arms wrapped around the sheep and stripped from the waist (up!). Wife: ‘Are you SURE that’s the right technique for life-saving?’ ERHB

Boat coming into moorings, local moorer comes out to help: ‘They’re nice fenders, Madam!’ ERHB

Wife on boat shouting up to husband on lock gates: ‘Is that a windlass in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?’ ERHB

Wife on 1st draft of website: ‘I will cater for all your needs.’
(Even though I own the boat, I’ve booked a week’s cruise!!!) ERHB

Coming up to swing bridge on Stainforth-Keadby Canal, load of youths swimming in canal, refusing to get out of the way, until husband climbs off to open the bridge. All the youths jumped out of the water as fast as they could because they said ‘No way we’re staying here with a blonde woman driver!’
A wise decision as wife broadsides boat against the bridge… ERHB

Guest cruising on boat in broad daylight ‘I’ve just seen a badger!’ On closer investigation, it turned out to be a Jack Russell. ERHB

New girlfriend of boater: ‘Did the boat move for you too, darling?’
‘Yes, love - there’s another boat coming!’ ERHB

Boater advertising for female partner with boat: ‘Must be able to cook, clean, iron, operate locks, polish brass – please send photo of boat’.
(That’s how I got my wife!)
PS The boat looks good! ERHB

British Waterways operative: ‘Sorry we can’t dredge here, it’s too shallow’ ERHB

‘I’ll sell you that boat for 4 cans of beer.’ The deal was struck! ERHB

‘Don’t tell your mother we’ve got a boat - she thinks we‘re at the allotment all weekend!’ ERHB

New girlfriend shouting to her guy as she climbs the ladder in a lock: ‘That’s the last time you con me into believing that a mini-skirt is what every woman wears on a boat!’ (Other boaters would disagree!) A week later, same boat but with girlfriend driving, man climbs ladder in a kilt! What goes around, comes around! ERHB

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